This is a small essay that I wrote on my own Alchemical journey to complete a course requirement in one of the International Alchemy Guild’s courses on Alchemy that I completed some time ago. Both myself and my significant other have experienced great personal tragedy in our personal lives. As the second anniversary of the loss of our daughter has just passed, my mind is taken back and I am reminded those whom I have lost, some of the reasons that I do what I do, and brings to consciousness my mission that I find I am undertaking in this lifetime.
I hope that in some way, the tragedy that has befallen me may be of use to others. I hope that you find some value in this small essay. I hope that as we approach this holiday season, a time when we should be celebrating that which we are thankful for, but find ourselves in a very controversial era in our country’s history, that we will remember that we are all children of humanity, and that we should above all, show strength, mercy and love to our fellow brothers and sisters; offering them council when needed, compassion when required and love at all times.
A Personal Nigredo, by Frater MTO
It is my personal vision and mission to bring to those within my sphere of influence healing, peace and enlightenment. I have been practicing alchemy for almost 15 years. I have had several individual teachers, worked in several groups, taken online classes as well using books and other resources. I have taught a Spagyric Alchemy class in the Denver area for the past 6 years and have had well over 200 people pass through this class. I don’t say this to boast, but to make a point. I recently experienced a grave personal tragedy. It has been said that no parent should ever have to outlive any of their children. Unfortunately I lost my 19 year old daughter in April of 2015. I have been through many trials in my life, and I have tried to help others through my tinctures, teachings and discussions. However, nothing in life could ever prepare one for such a loss, and never have I been through such a deep and personal Nigredo.
I don’t personally believe that our Holy Guardian Angel causes tragic events to occur, but I believe that they do use them as teaching opportunities. Often in the past, when I visit other metaphysical shops or fairs, readers, and sometimes even complete strangers will just grab me, and say to me, “Ah, you have the healer’s light about you”, or “You have a natural gift for healing”. I always found it strange, because while I have taken Reiki to various levels, have worked in magical systems of kabbalistic and elemental energetic healing, I never really considered myself a ‘healer’. Then, just a few days after my daughter’s funeral, as I was contemplating the loss of my dear daughter, I received a message, as clear as a bell, from my HGA. That message to me was “NOW, you can truly be a healer”.
As the co-owner of a metaphysical supply shoppe and herbal apothecary, I have had the opportunity to use my craft to help others for quite some time. To consult with customers about various herbs, teas and tinctures to help them with physical, mental or spiritual maladies. However, I now have a drive that did not exist before…a hunger that was not present previously. I feel a mission to help others to heal.
Since the time of my daughters passing, I have increased my Herbal Tinctures from 40 to now over 100 that are publicly available. In addition, I have expanded my line of Stone Elixirs from 20 to over 50, and my tonic line (mixtures of tinctures blended to treat specific symptoms) have been very successful, and we now offer about 20 different tonics in the Shoppe. I have been told by many that I was a natural healer. In the past, I have always preferred to be a teacher or an author or quite frankly, just an Alchemist and Magician. However, after passing through this personal Nigredo, I have now more fully embraced my path as a healer. After passing through this darkness of Nigredo, I have now seen in Albedo, the path and purpose laid out for me in this journey, and am striving and working hard to push ahead and experience the Rubedo that awaits me.